Dear Maddy

“If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your coach yelled at you.” – Probably no one ever

Sometimes, the things we lived through as kids don’t really hit us until years later. Lately, I’ve been able to do a lot more thinking about my childhood and how it’s shaped the person I am today.

For most of my childhood, I played travel softball. It was a huge part of my life. At first, I thought not playing college softball would be a regret. But as I’ve gotten older and more mature, I’ve come to feel incredibly grateful that I stopped when I did.

My parents weren’t rich, they were far from it. They worked really hard and put a lot of money into my softball career so I could have the experiences of traveling, competing, and growing as an athlete. But I don’t think they expected me to lose as much confidence and self-esteem as I did along the way.

Since I was about 12 years old, I’ve been working to rebuild my confidence, and honestly, I’m still not sure I’m fully there yet. When I think back on some of what I went through, it really makes me pause.

I was just a kid.

For years, adults screamed at me, called me names, and tore me down inch by inch — all for the sake of winning trophies at tournaments that, in the grand scheme of things, don’t matter.

Don’t get me wrong, I had a lot of good times too. I met some amazing girls who became lifelong friends, and I’m so grateful for that.

But if I have a daughter someday, I don’t think I would put her through the mental games I went through.

Now, I’m a social worker working in the ER, doing mental health assessments for people who are suicidal, homicidal, or in active psychosis. Sometimes I think I’m able to handle this job because the stress I feel now doesn’t compare to the pressure I carried as a 12-year-old on the softball field. That kind of constant criticism and pressure took a toll on my confidence for years.

Over time, I’ve learned to separate my value as a person from how I perform in any given moment, whether on a field or in life. It’s a hard lesson, but it’s helped me grow and handle stress in a healthier way.

Reflecting on all this, I wonder: How many kids out there are carrying invisible burdens like this? How often do we overlook the emotional cost behind “youth sports” or any high-pressure childhood experience?

I’m still figuring it out, but I’m grateful for the growth I’ve made – learning to put value on who I am as a person, rather than just on how I perform. That’s a lesson that took years to sink in, but it’s made all the difference.

I hope that sharing this helps even one person feel less alone.

Love,

Maddy